Miscarriage is one of the most devastating and traumatic events a couple can experience – often leaving them feeling overwhelmed, vulnerable, and helpless. Even though miscarriage is a common occurrence that affects millions of couples every year, couples rarely talk about it openly.
It’s a difficult experience for couples of all genders and can be even more daunting when it comes to healing together. Coping with the loss of a much-wanted pregnancy is deeply a personal journey that requires both partners to express their truths in order for them to heal from the pain.
Navigating through the waters of grief, guilt, and sadness can prove difficult for many couples, but understanding what each partner needs in order to heal is key to any successful recovery. While some may prefer privacy during this time, others may benefit from mutual support as they confront their feelings head-on. But how can couples work together to heal from this difficult time in their lives?
Director/producer Claire Chubbuck explains the difficult story of her beloved friends who have gone through this pain of loss and grief through their film, Blueberry. For one friend, their pregnancy in early 2022 was cut short after they found out their baby no longer had a heartbeat 3 months later. This heartbreaking experience left them feeling crushed and grieving the potential of what could have been.
She took her friends through the road to healing using her filmmaking process called, Cathartic Realism. Claire directed the stars, Andrew McIntyre and Sofia D’marco, to make a piece of art where they created with trauma, allowing them to find purpose in their pain. Andrew and Sofia are speaking about their experience to add to the scope of the human experience.
Sofia says she had the “miscarriage from hell. The entire process lasted over a month. My body was physically traumatized from the pain. I went through all the phases; first the guilt, then the blame. I thought it was my fault, that I did something wrong, something to cause this. As a woman, I wondered if I was broken, if there was something wrong with me internally. Acting in Blueberry brought hope back into my life. During rehearsal, I was able to use my experience to help Andrew process his – I was able to help a friend process their pain. This film gave my miscarriage purpose. It made me realize how much I want to be a mom.”
Meanwhile, Andrew wanted to use this moment to grow, and help others. He says, “I am far from the only man who has gone through this; yet as I was looking for support systems for men dealing with miscarriage, I found nothing. It’s felt, but not spoken aloud: an invisible pain.” For him, making “Blueberry” acted as both a memorial for the daughter he lost and a lifeline to other men going through this painful life event.
Although the road to healing after a miscarriage can be difficult, for those experiencing this pain, there are many supportive resources available with strategies to cope with the loss. While it’s often difficult to talk about such a tragedy, discussing feelings openly and honestly is important for recovery. It’s also important to remember that everyone will grieve differently, and the time it takes to recover is unique for each individual.
Link to Blueberry trailer: https://vimeo.com/745636676
