Kids are pretty cute — and it’s hard not to let them know it. And most of the time, we mean well when we tell our children how beautiful they are. But when our compliments to our kids focus too much on appearance, they can backfire. “Being complimented on appearance leads a child to believe that what others think of them is fixed, meaning that nothing they do or don’t do will change how people view them,” says psychologist Nicole Beurkens. “When we compliment children on qualities and characteristics that are not based on appearance it helps children develop the sense that who they are matters — not just what they look like. This helps them understand that the ways they relate to others, the skills and talents they have, the behaviors that they exhibit are all meaningful and important.” Here are ten ways to compliment your child on something other than appearance, in ways that will reinforce positive qualities and behaviour and boost their self-worth.
“You worked really hard on that!”
“My suggestion on complimenting children is to praise effort,” says Amira Freidson, founder of Namaste Kid. Focusing on their effort recognizes what the child put into it instead of what others decide is noteworthy, Freidson says. “It helps children to stay focused on the process, and not the end result, which isn’t always what they want it to be.”