“You were being a caring friend when she was crying and you gave her a hug.”
Be very specific when complimenting children so they understand which thoughts, qualities, or actions are connected to your praise, Beurkens says. For example, telling your child exactly which action of theirs was caring is more effective than saying “You’re a good friend,” even if the intent is the same with both statements. “Using specific compliments like these help children to feel empowered that they have positive qualities that others notice and admire, and encourages them to strive for using these skills and qualities more frequently,” she says. “It’s a simple but powerful way to help them feel more self-assured and resilient.”
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