Parenting is one of the most difficult jobs in the world and everyone can agree to it. No matter how careful parents are, they are bound to make some mistakes. No child comes with an instruction manual since every child and every family is different, but there are certain things that every parent can avoid in order to make their and their child’s life easier. Child psychotherapists claim that they see some common problems that all children face and the root cause of that is deep seated in the parenting style of their parents. Here are some mistakes that you can avoid with your child.
Not Leading By Example
When you are a parent, a child looks up to you for example. You may be great at giving advice but how often do you follow your own advice? You can tell your child a thousand times that a certain habit is very bad for them but when they see you doing the exact same thing, they will treat you like their idol and follow in your footsteps.
Fighting Their Battles
Children need to know that their actions will have consequences. It is natural for a parent to feel protective of their children and not let them come in harm’s way but when you fight their battles for them, they might take it for granted. They will start to believe that you are always going to be there to watch their back and no matter what they do, you will make things right.
A child needs to learn it the hard way that bad actions might have bad consequences.
Skimping on Quality Time
Even when they do not know about it, children crave the attention of their parents. Always make it a habit that you spend some quality time every day with your children. We all have busy lives but when you become a parent, your priorities need to readjust and you need to find some time in your timetable for your children or they might grow up feeling abandoned and that might be traumatic in their future.
Letting Technology Take Over
Every parent wants to give the best of things to their children but that does not mean that you skip on exercising control. It is very natural and important for kids today to be interactive with technology since that is the future and it is good to get an early start, but you should not let technology take control of your child’s entire routine. Try to create memories that are outside the smartphone and indulge in outdoor activities that will form the basis of their behavior.
Projecting Your Goals On Your Kids
Never decide your child’s career based on your own goals. Let them explore their passions and interests. Whether it’s career aspirations, sports and extracurricular activities, or social interactions, parents can push their kids to do the things they wish they did in their youth, instead of leaving their kids the space to figure out their own wants.
Passing On Phobias
Just as parents can project their desires on to their kids, they can do the same with their fears. “Parents will inadvertently create fears or anxiety in their children by giving extreme caution or demands to avoid certain animals or places,” explains psychologist Dr. Alicia Hodge, who’s based in Washington, D.C.
“Since children look to their parents to model emotions and information about safety, extreme reactions may garner a sense of fear about specific objects or the world in general.”
Using The One-Size-Fits-All Approach
Not all techniques and environments are tailored to suit the needs of every child. Parents often assume that certain conditions which are comfortable for the children that they see in their daily lives would suite for their kids too. However, every child needs a personalised approach, tailored to the child’s behavior, discipline, and quirks.
Neglecting Your Partner
Never neglect your partner, especially in front of your children. While children are a special addition to a relationship, they’re not a replacement for it. A child should always look up to a healthy relationship between his or her parents since it is going to be the basis of his or her relationships in the future.
If you want your child to have a healthy relationship with their spouse in the future, ensure that you have one with your own.
Not Having Enough Me Time
One of the best things a parent can do for their children “is to schedule in time for themselves each and every day,” according to McBain. That “me” time allows parents to avoid getting overwhelmed and frustrated by the demands of parenting. While it may seem counterintuitive, a parent needs to take care of themselves before they can effectively take care of others.
Not Giving Your Child Enough Freedom As They Age
Like most things, personal freedom gets easier to handle with practice. That’s why it’s crucial to give children increasing room for independence as they age. “While it’s understandable that at an early age you would set boundaries,” it’s important to let those boundaries expand over time, says Dr.
Vinay Saranga, M.D., child psychiatrist and founder of Saranga Comprehensive Psychiatry in Apex, North Carolina. Though doing so may initially cause fear for both parties, letting children “slowly build their independence” is more effective than expecting them to learn it all at once in adulthood.