Using “all or nothing” language
Using language that globalizes behavior can backfire. It reinforces an “us versus them” attitude between parents and children that isolates kids from the very people they need the most, their parents. Children need to see that their parents are aware of their strengths as well as their weaknesses, and are willing to look at specific incidents individually instead of dredging up a long history of wrongdoing. Strive to focus your attention on the present situation. If the behavior continues to be an issue, using “we” statements is more beneficial than “you.” For example, if a child repeatedly leaves his or her toys throughout the living room, a parent might exclaim, “Wow, we seem to be having trouble remembering to pick up after ourselves. Let’s try to pick these up together, and hope that next time we remember to clean up when we’re finished playing.” Children who feel that their parents are on their team are motivated to strive to impress them in the future.