Making them feel shame or embarrassment
After an incident of poor behavior, some parents will demand that the child confess the deed to someone else afterward, to shame the child into repentance or discourage future undesirable behavior. Not only is this a certain way to embarrass, shame, and hurt your child, it’s also a way to make sure they no longer trust you as someone safe to handle their emotions. As a parent, you have the distinct privilege (though it might not always feel this way) of having a front-row seat to your child’s emotional and social growth. This includes witnessing the many mistakes that are a natural part of growth, and that will provide the learning opportunities needed to become a functioning adult. Children want to please parents inherently and will work very hard to do so if parents notice the positive strides they’re making. So when you ask a child to reveal the details of a private emotional or behavioral experience they’d just as soon move on from, it easily erodes the trust they had in you to serve as a protector of their most personal moments. When kids make mistakes, help them realize for themselves that they didn’t make a smart choice. Offer them the grace and forgiveness they so desperately yearn for, and move on. Keep the incident confidential, and if you share it with someone who must know (such as the other parent), do so in private, away from your child.