Sharing an inappropriate secret
One of the best things about childhood is a sense of innocence and the belief that all makes sense in the world. Children feel most secure when parents are self-assured, capable, and strong adults who handle adult issues among themselves and leave children to their innocent beliefs about life. When parents share adult-themed issues with children, it can create a sense of confusion, fear, and depression for them. “There can be a huge temptation for you to lean on your child for support if you conflict with the other parent, but please resist this temptation,” says Kathy Eugster, MA, registered clinical counselor and certified play therapist. “Even if your child seems to be coping well and seems to be happy and well adjusted, leaning on your child for support is very damaging to him or her and can lead to long-term problems.” The message children need to see and hear,” she adds, “is that you are in control of things and know what you’re doing. Remember that they are children and you are an adult dealing with an adult problem.”